- If I teach it, they’ll lose their innocence.
Talking to your kids about sex doesn’t take away their innocence-if anything, it helps protect it. Kids who never get sex ed are often more vulnerable to abuse, pressure, messy relationship situations down the road, and more. I go into the difference between “innocence” and “ignorance” in another post, which is a distinction worth looking into.) Home is a great classroom. Let your kids learn from you and your spouse, through regular, ongoing conversation rather than one big talk.
My tips:
- Name how before you start: I feel a little awkward (or insert other feeling) talking about sex because my parents never talked with me about it. But this is important, so I want us to be able to talk more.
- Start early. Early conversations let you keep things simple, and you can build on them as your kids get older.
- Talk during everyday moments — dishes, driving, cooking, laundry. It normalizes the topic instead of making it feel like a big, scary sit-down.
- Take a breath and take your time! No rush.
- Use humor where natural or appropriate.
- Get books to read (my favorites)
- Have a go-to line ready for badly timed questions:That’s a good question. How about we talk about it before bed/at home/tonight/etc. The, actually follow up.
- If my kids don’t ask, they don’t want to know.
Not all children ask a ton about sex and relationships, but it doesn’t mean disinterest. It means that you must be the first to bring it up. Everyday moments make natural entry points: a pregnant woman, a same-sex couple, animals in the yard. Any of these can spark a simple, low-pressure conversation. Use this resource to jumpstart conversations easily.
Tips: Keep answers honest and grounded in fact. Kids only take in what they’re ready for, and they’ll ask follow-up questions if they need to. Treat this as an ongoing series of small chats, rather than a big lecture. Any information they don’t understand will make more sense in later conversations.
- I shouldn’t use anatomically correct names with kids.
We call an arm “an arm” and a nose “a nose” — there’s no reason a penis or a vulva should be any different. Using the real words normalizes these body parts instead of treating them as shameful, and it gives kids the vocabulary they need to describe what’s happening to them if something’s ever wrong. If you’re worried about them using words at the wrong time, frame it simply: these are words used only when we need them (no one goes shouting about their elbow at the store/school/ unless they need to).
- Talking about sex will give them permission to have it.
Talking about sex won’t make them go out and act out. Staying silent is far more likely to push them toward other sources to fill in the gaps. By talking to kids, you are providing information and sharing God’s design with your values. Plus, kids generally want to learn about this from people they trust and feel safe with, often their parents.
Tips: It’s always better late than never. If you have older teens, be honest! Acknowledge you haven’t talked about sex and relationships but that you want to change that. Or, start with Sex Ed Reclaimed. Make clear you want to be someone they can come to about anything. After years as a sex ed teacher, I could always tell which kids had these conversations at home, because they were more confident, less prone to giggly deflection, and had more thoughtful, informed views.
For such a time as this,
Kristen