When Unfamiliar Faces and a Different Routine Present Risks to Kids
Now that Halloween is over, the hustle and bustle of the holidays is here. Stores have been decked out in Christmas supply for weeks and plans are underway for celebrations. As fun and exciting as the holidays can be, kids can also be exposed to material and inappropriate crossing of boundaries that they typically wouldn’t be in a normal routine. In fact, the holidays are a high risk time for abuse. How could this happen when we’re around people we know and love?
One of the reasons for the high likelihood of abuse is that the holidays present vulnerabilities. These vulnerabilities present as more opportunities for kids to be alone with smart devices as well as people they may not have experience with. Cousins, neighbors, or close friends can lack understanding in what kids should and shouldn’t be doing while they play. Whether it’s an aunt or uncle who just won’t stop tickling the kids, a grandparent who insists on kisses, or an older cousin armed with a new smartphone, kids need extra protection during the holidays. In this blogpost I give parents 3 tips to help keep kids safe during the holiday craze.
Tip #1: Make sure kids and other adults understand your house ‘rules’-even if they’re not at your house.
This tip relies on open communication with adults and kids in the home. A brief reminder that you prefer phones to stay on the kitchen island (highly suggest this), or that you’d like to pre approve tv and movie choices, suggestions like these can keep your children safe from unnecessary exposure to inappropriate material. Ask the other adults if they’d understand why you’d want the kids to have real face time, and not focus on screens. Another option is to simply text or call ahead of time to help hosts understand the reasoning behind your rules. In addition, communicate specifically with that relative who is less likely to listen when your kid says ‘stop’ in a tickle fight. It’s ok for your children to be naturally hesitant to kiss during the height of cold and flu season. Blame it on the germs! If an adult seems hurt by this refusal, relay that your child would love a hug (or a handshake!) but isn’t kissing others right now. If adults try to write you off, humbly insist that this is just to keep everyone safe. Understanding your rules and creating boundaries gives freedom to your kids to feel comfortable during an atypical situation.
Tip #2: Actively check in with your kids during family or friend time. It’s easy to focus on adult connection with those you don’t see as often, or to get caught up with hosting yourself, but at the very least rely on a trustworthy point person who can check in on the kids. Safety during the holidays means that no one is looking at inappropriate devices or materials, other kids are respectful of each other, clothes are staying on even during dress up or make believe games, and language is kind and loving. Your adult ‘point person’ can check in on the kids every hour or more, unannounced, to affirm the kids’ wellbeing. If this sounds like a lot, know that it is not uncommon for porn exposure and crossing of boundaries to occur during the holiday season. Since people spend extra time with loved ones during the holidays, the risk of child sexual abuse inevitably increases and most kids don’t disclose that they have been sexually abused after it happens. Approximately 90% of kids are abused by someone they know, 34% are relatives of the victim, and 60% are non-relative friends or acquaintances. Look for signs of discontent or discomfort with your children, and remove them from the group, inviting them to hang out with you or making space for a different activity if you see it’s needed. Their safety is more important than inclusion when they’re uncomfortable or in harm’s way.
Tip #3: Prepare your children before the holidays with healthy, age-appropriate sexual health education. Engage in real talks about sex, puberty, and consent before you reach the holiday chaos. Holidays should be free of traumatic or challenging experiences for kids. Therefore, giving kids healthy language, boundaries, and knowledge can only help empower them prior to the holidays. Check out the curriculum here to equip your kids with all the conversations they need at a developmentally appropriate stage of life. Our younger curriculums (for ages 3 to 6 and 7 to 10) discuss ‘bad secrets’ and older curriculums discuss consent more blatantly, to prevent abuse. Every curriculum uses appropriate names for anatomy, which helps kids to take ownership of their bodies and declare abuse when it happens. Euphemisms and metaphors backfire in regards to identification of abuse. With continual conversations, kids can understand basic concepts and begin considering how even their sexual health is affected by others. Our curriculum gives them the autonomy they need. If you’re in a time crunch, see some books I highly recommend right on my website, and order them before the holidays arrive.
Sadly, abuse is a real risk of the holiday season. First time porn exposure can occur while we’re around less familiar faces who still have influence over our lives. Don’t go into the next few months unaware or ill-equipped. Prepare the whole family and make space for hard conversations, especially because these talks are truly needed before the holidays. No one prepares for abuse, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t necessary to do so. You don’t have to go at ‘the talk’ alone because we’re here to help with content specifically designed to communicate with kids about sex, porn, consent, and boundaries. Honor God’s image bearers with open and honest conversations about a topic He created and cares immensely about. May your family have a blessed and beautiful season.
Sources:
https://mbfpreventioneducation.org/tips-to-keep-kids-safe-over-the-holidays/
https://msmagazine.com/2023/12/19/prevent-child-sexual-abuse-holidays
For such a time as this,
Kristen